The Sudan Solution

So what do you do when a bunch of nutters go mad over a teddy bear? Boycotts have been mentioned. However I think this is a very bad idea. The kind of people who call for the death penalty over naming a teddy bear are the same kind of people who want a fight. This isn’t Islam versus the Enlightenment. It’s extremist Islam versus the Sudanese. Picking a fight with all Sudan would be rewarding the extremists with exactly what they want.

At the same time, you clearly can’t have an adult conversation with people who think naming a bear something they don’t like means that you should be flogged. The solution would therefore seem to be simple. You stop having adult conversations with them. If teddy bears are the problem then teddy bears are the solution.

The UK should send a small battalion of unnamed teddy bears to the Sudan. These bears will comfort those who have been grievously injured by the badly named bear. When it comes to international conferences we should talk to partners in Africa about the issues that concern them. We should talk to Morocco about trading relations. We should talk to Egypt about water supply. When we talk to Sudan we shouldn’t insult them by wasting time talking about famine or foreign aid. We should show respect by dealing with their priorities. We should talk about bear care.

It might sound like mockery, but that’s your own western prejudice. If the bear issue is as serious as people say then we will be tackling the issues that matter to them. You can’t expect to tell these people that imprisoning someone because of a bear’s name is stupid. What you can do is give them the opportunity to live with the consequences.

I’ve been sat on that for a few days, but I thought it best to wait until the poor woman was safely back in the UK. If I was that bothered about it then I’d suggest petitioning Number 10 to give bear aid to Sudan, but I’m not. The reason I’m putting this up is that the Sudan solution applies to other places and problems too.